Getting back to the dating scene after the loss of a spouse, a widow(er) is met by a storm of emotions. Initially going on a date with someone new makes them feel guilty; as though they are betraying the deceased spouse. Confusion tops it all up when family and friends who were close to the deceased spouse are not supportive. That should not worry you though. If you are ready to find love again, here are some tips to ensure you do it right.
In the natural you will feel guilty in the beginning.
Re-entering the dating scene after the loss of a spouse, comes with the big challenge of guilt tripping yourself. In the beginning feeling as though you are betraying and cheating on your late spouse is normal. If for instance you go for dinner with another man, you might find yourself looking around the restaurant if there is anyone who will recognize you.
It is quite difficult to shake off these feelings in the beginning. However, they should become less intense over time; especially when you find someone with whom you connect spiritually, emotionally and physically. However, you might not be ready to get back on the horse if the guilt is not subsiding.
When to date again is your decision.
It is never too soon or too late. Moving on after the loss of a spouse is a process that is unique to each person. Some will grief for years, others weeks and others choose not to date again.
If you are ready to test the dating waters again, then you should go ahead regardless of family and friends saying you are moving on too fast or waiting too long. Getting a hang of things may take time but do not be afraid dating is still about getting to know each other and seeing if you are compatible.
Date for the right whys and wherefores.
Be sure you understand why you want to date again and let the right reasons drive you back to the dating scene. It is totally okay to want to date because you feel miss having emotional and physical intimacy. Most people date for the same reasons. However, you are not ready to date if your reason is to get someone to fill the void or nurse the pain that comes from losing a spouse.
Dating in this case is meant to give you a chance to open your heart to someone new and experience the great joy that comes with falling in love again.
Talking about the Deceased Spouse is okay.
If the person you are dating is not familiar with your late spouse, in the natural they will be inquisitive about your previous marriage. Talking about your late spouse is okay; after all the memories you have of the deceased spouse are not expected to vanish instantly; these are real moments that were shared with a real person. Answer the questions your date may have about your previous marriage but don’t talk about your late spouse all the time.
Continually talking about your late spouse and how happy you were is a great indication that you are not ready to move on or be in a new relationship. Your date will have an unforgettable night if it is about him or her rather than it being a therapy session.
Come to your date’s defense when necessary.
When your family and friends meet your date, there may give him or her a cold reception at family activities for example by continuously making remarks about the deceased spouse in front of your date. In most cases, those giving your date a hard time have some silly belief that one should not fall in love once they lose a spouse.
If this happens, you should come to your date’s defense and lovingly let your family and friends know that their behavior is unacceptable. You should not tolerate this kind of behavior towards your date because if he or she became your future spouse this bad attitude towards them would still continue.